four

It feels as if something is stuck in my throat, making it hard to breathe. I cannot see where the future lies, nor do I know what I will become after leaving the Ding family; perhaps one day I will end up dead in the streets. Yet, Mu Lianru is so resolute and merciless, and Ding Xuan is unwilling to help. What am I to do

After school, I took Zhuang Li to a secluded place

If I am abandoned by the Ding family, where else can I go

In the face of Mu Lianru's disdain, I devoted all my thoughts to my studies

She goes out every day to dance at the community activity center. Several times after school, when I passed by the activity center, I saw her laughing and chatting with other men, as if she had never experienced the sorrow of losing her husband

Originally intending to take a shower, I could only sit anxiously on the sofa, waiting to hear what instructions Mu Lianru had for me

Then there was an entire night without sleep

If he had only asked "Why," I might have fared much better. When he turned away coldly, I could perceive the unabashed disdain in his eyes. His silhouette gradually faded from view, and my heart sank slowly along with it

Life is such that regardless of who stays, those who are alive must continue

Thinking of this, I got out of bed, found Zhuang Li's phone number, and sent him a text message: "I need to see you after school tomorrow"

If I could stay with the Ding family, I would certainly choose to break up with Zhuang Li without hesitation

Mu Lianru shouted sternly: "I have no blood relation with you, so do not call me that."

It seemed like a long time had passed before Zhuang Li finally replied: "As you wish"

No matter how I pleaded, Mu Lianru remained cold-faced and unmoved

To my surprise, Ding Xuan just looked at me, unmoved.

Your mother wants to kick me out, please help me plead for mercy

The next day at school, I was distracted and did not dare to secretly glance at Zhuang Li again

Seeing her attitude so resolute, I "thudded" to the ground, grasped her hand, and cried out in supplication: "Please do not drive me away. I truly do not know where to go; I only have the Ding family as my home..."

Ding Xuan sat beside me, dragged me out of the quilt, and whispered, "I can help you stay at our house, but you must break up with Zhuang Li"

Will He Zhuang break up?

In the end, I was able to stay with the Ding family as I had wished. Mu Lianru doted on Ding Xuan so much that he said he would leave with me if I were to be driven away from the Ding family. How could Mu Lianru possibly give up her son? Therefore, she had no choice but to agree to let me stay.

I looked at Ding Xuan with tear-filled eyes, then ran to him, tightly grasping his hand as if holding onto the last straw of hope

The hope that once rose is gradually fading away little by little

Suddenly, my door was opened, and my consciousness became slightly clearer. I saw Ding Xuan walk to the bedside. The cold moonlight outside poured in, casting its glow upon him

Today after school, Mu Lianru unexpectedly was at home. Ding Xuan had just returned from art class and was showing her his new artwork

Zhuang Li is like a roasted seed buried in my heart, which can never take root and sprout, let alone blossom and bear fruit

I could hardly sit still, rigidly staring at Mu Lianru

Compared to love, familial affection is the most enduring. Love can come at any moment and can just as easily depart. Being with Zhuang Li was originally driven by a purpose, and cannot be considered love. Moreover, Zhuang Li is merely fulfilling a bet; in his eyes, I am nothing more than a toy to alleviate his loneliness, or perhaps a Barbie doll that he can show off.

Why am I feeling so sad when it was clearly my request that was made

Zhuang Li has not come to school again. According to Sun Qing, he has gone abroad for further studies

My thoughts are in a moment of confusion

I dare not imagine; I can only plead with a sobbing voice: "Mother, please do not drive me away. I will study hard, work hard to earn money, and support you and Ding Xuan in the future"

She slowly spoke: "Ding Lanyin, the Ding family took you in back then because your father was a friend of Ding Chushan. Now that Ding Chushan is dead, I have no obligation to continue raising you. Moreover, I can no longer afford to support you. Ding Xuan will need a lot of money in the future, so if you have any sense, you should take the initiative to move out and not set foot in the Ding family again."

That night, I dreamt of many events that occurred while I was with Zhuang Li. Although they cannot be described as particularly wonderful, those small moments are vividly etched in my memory

Winter has already arrived, and the dry wind, carrying a chill, continuously brushes against my face, much like my current mood. I stand before Zhuang Li, making an effort to calm myself, and say: "Zhuang Li, this is where we draw the line. I have lost the bet and do not wish to continue any further"

However, I do not wish to become an orphan once again

This absurd wager, this tumultuous youth, this dreamlike encounter, is submerged in the depths of the heart amidst the heavy snowfall of the New Year, unwilling to be mentioned

Mu Lianru crossed her arms and looked at me, a strange smile on her face. Perhaps it should not be called a smile, for that expression carried a chill. At that moment, I felt like a prisoner, awaiting her verdict

Upon hearing Mu Lianru's words, it felt as if my mind had suddenly exploded like the universe, with chaotic thoughts colliding incessantly. I was unaware of what expression I bore at that moment. Those words, which were clearly gentle, struck me like a gun, with bullets relentlessly shooting at my heart, leaving it drenched in blood

Before I could respond, Ding Xuan stood up, threw out a remark, "Think about it yourself," and then left the room

Zhuang Li's face showed a moment of daze, and then he returned to his usual state. He stared at me without saying a word. His gaze was colder than the winter wind, and I couldn't help but shiver

Mu Lianru is increasingly attentive to her appearance and enjoys dressing up. She is already very beautiful, and when she puts on makeup, it is hard for people to guess her true age. Her skin is fair, and her figure remains unchanged, still resembling that of a young girl

Mu Lianru's face bore a hint of relief, but as she saw me, her expression gradually darkened. She said to Ding Xuan, "Darling, you go back to the room first; I have something to discuss with Ding Lanyin."

He did not ask why, nor did he try to keep me. Clearly having anticipated such an outcome, I nonetheless felt a sense of inexplicable loss

At this moment, Ding Xuan heard a noise and walked out, standing at the door with a blank expression.

I lay on the ground in despair, silently shedding tears

I lie in bed, turn over, and gaze at the moonlight outside the window, becoming increasingly bewildered

In the dead of night, I curled up in my blanket, holding my parents' photographs, tears streaming down uncontrollably. The darkness engulfed me, and my consciousness gradually faded away in a haze.

When Zhuang Li's figure completely disappeared, I couldn't help but squat down on the ground and cry loudly

The living room is very quiet, a kind of silence that tightens around a person's neck like a noose

In that moment of chaos, there seemed to be a hint of resistance

What is referred to as a relationship is merely a transaction, where each party takes what they need

I need a home, even if I am merely adopted in the Ding family, even if I am still treated as an outsider by Mu Lianru in the future, I do not wish to leave the Ding family. Having lived in the Ding family for over ten years, there are some things that are hard to let go of, especially my feelings for Ding Xuan